top of page

The Child you Needed: How to change your perspective on your challenging kid

Do you remember pre-kids when you would envision what your child would be like? For me, I just knew I would have a little laid back surfer boy with long hair who was go with the flow, outgoing, and the life of the party. Of course, I realize now how ridiculous it is to even envision what your child will look like, let alone act like (As if we have any control?!) But that was certainly my vision. And man could I have not been blessed with a more different child than my visions.

Back when I first started this account, I interviewed an amazing parenting coach and human named, Taryn Rioseco @herewegrowatl,

She told me something that brought me to tears, that we can spend more time with challenging kids wishing they were someone different, but we have to show them we love them for who they are in the moment and not who we hoped they would be or who they will grow into.

  We know that we love our kids unconditionally, but we have to ask ourselves if they feel that?? I always question if I am treating my oldest the way I treat my younger two? does he ever feel reprimanded more, held to a different standard? I realize now that he may not be the child I envisioned, but I thank God every day for giving me the exact child I needed.


Yes, he challenges me every single day, but he has undoubtably made me a better person. He has taught me patience. He has shown me I cannot, in fact, control every situation. He has made me dig deeper into what it means to be a good and kind human. He has taught me having a routine is important and truly a place we both thrive. He has been the catalyst for me to go to therapy and search for answers to questions I have had my entire life. He has shown me therapy is not only ok, but it is a huge asset to my life and to his life. He has shown me not only how to be a better mother, but how to be a better wife. He has taught me how to love unconditionally. He has taught me more about myself than I would have ever discovered without him. And most importantly, he has taught me that what I thought I wanted, wasn’t at all what I actually needed.

He is my world, my light, and I am so thankful for exactly who he is (Even if I need to be reminded daily).

SO, I encourage you to change your perspective on your challenging kid. What is he/she teaching you about yourself? I can guarantee they are changing you for the better.

with love,

the redefined mamma



bottom of page