WAYS I’M LEARNING TO BE A BETTER MOTHER HUMAN
1. Going to therapy -
I didn’t start going to therapy until a year or so ago and WOW it has helped me in so many ways. It is such an amazing opportunity to dig deeper into yourself. Having someone hold that space for me, even when I’m doing a majority of the work, is all it takes to find some peace. For me, parenting is a lot about facing my childhood and upbringing. Becoming aware of why I am the way I am and why I react the way I react has been a game-changer in motherhood. Self-awareness is a big ticket to being a good parent (and well, a good human!)
2. Finding time for self-care -
This can different for different people. Personally, I like to go on a walk with a friend, get a massage, or just binge watch really bad TV- but I think the important thing to really know deep down is that self-care is NOT selfish. You cannot pour from an empty cup and if you don’t know what or who fills up your cup, then now (as a depleted mother) is the best time to go figure it out.
3. Learning how to apologize-
I’ve always hated apologizing. Admitting I was wrong felt like a hard pill to swallow, but it wasn’t until after a year of therapy that I realized how good apologizing really felt for me. Did I yell at my kids for no reason? Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and snap at my husband? Did I drink too much and say something I didn’t mean? Swallowing my pride and saying I’m sorry has really helped me move forward and not stay stuck in the past. It has also strengthened my marriage and my relationship with my children.
4. Lifting weights-
This one is two-fold. First, research is showing that lifting weights may be the single best thing you can do for your aging body. Not only do we need the strength to lift children and chase after toddlers, but it is beneficial for your joints, muscles, and tissues. Second, did you know lifting weights is actually grounding? It affects you psychological and can improve anxiety and depression and promote self-esteem, sleep quality and cognitive function. Long gone are the days of fearing you will get bulky- in my experience it has only leaned me out and made me look stronger and who cares about the scale- muscle looks a hell of a lot better than lose skin.
5. Discovering self-regulation
Not until I became a mother did I even understand or use the word regulation or “dysregulation”. When I finally grasped this term, I was able to turn inward in times when I became dysregulated and acknowledged it. I am learning ways that work best for me to self-regulate: walking away from my kids to take a couple deep breaths, a nice long bath, a good cry session in the shower, a walk at dusk, and journaling.
6. Asking for help and seeking support from other moms-
This one is hard. It’s time to challenge mom-guilt. Why do we feel guilty as moms? Most moms I talk to feel guilty about one thing or another – working too much? Quitting their job? Not spending enough time with their kids? Getting too much help? Not getting enough help? It never ends and we need to ask ourselves why?
Help can come in all forms- getting it from family, friends, your spouse, OR maybe it’s a community of moms. It is time for moms to TRULY support moms, we must start showing each other support and expressing how it really is… this job is the hardest job in the world and can feel completely isolating. We need to start sharing our sorrows and joys in real ways instead of sugar coating it. The sooner we can be open, honest, and real, the sooner we will feel more “normal”, have a deeper sense of self, and stop feeling so damn isolated. By talking about and sharing our issues, we start to feel less alone and a little more normal.
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