I have been thinking about this transformation into motherhood for a while now. Until just recently, I had no idea there was a term for this transition: matresense. Similar to adolesense; it is defined as the physical, psychological, and emotional changes a woman experiences during the monumental transformation that is motherhood. It is the process of becoming a mother and experienced by every mom on this earth. Of course, this change is dramatic and life-altering - it comes with ambivalence and angst about not knowing what is next. It taps into the fact that motherhood isn’t just a physical transformation but a social, physiological and all-encompassing evolution of self. It is a term that needs to become mainstream and something all of us mothers should speak about openly. We all go through it, yet it can feel like such an isolating part of our lives.
So much of who I used to be is no longer: my hobbies, my friendships, my career, my location, the things that were most important to me. Change is hard and it is easy to enter a mindset that I am lost or stuck, but I think all this change is building me into a better version of myself. I often read the “Very Hungry Caterpillar” to my kids. This book reminds me time and time again that change can be uncomfortable and ugly, it may not fit just right and at times can leave you feeling isolated. But if you hold on tight that change can lead to a beautiful transformation. So I am here for this transformation: I know I am slowly building a better version of myself: one where I hold two opposite truths confidentially: that I can be both happy and sad, where I slow down and reprioritize what matters, where I dig deeper into myself and my intergenerational upbringing, where I am redefining and challenging what society views as the perfect mom. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.
with all the love,
Haley Roos
the redefined mamma
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